Be thankful and have a joyful and peaceful holiday season

It is that time of year again – the holidays are upon us. For many, the holiday season is more stressful than joyful. And, if separation and divorce isn’t tough enough already, remembering to be thankful and keeping the peace and joy during the holidays can create even more of a challenge.

For most of us, this is likely the most normal holiday season we have experienced since 2019, and then came Covid-19. The excitement, and the stress, will likely be back in full force!

If you are separated and have children, here are some tips to keep the joy in the holiday and have some peace:

Thanksgiving break

1. Planning and traditions. Whether you have a written parenting agreement or not, you will remove some stress in your life if you tackle the planning of how to share the holidays with the children’s other parent. Deciding how to handle this together in advance of the holiday break, will make your life much simpler.

Most schools recess for Thanksgiving either the Tuesday or Wednesday prior to the break. That means there is a long weekend ahead. You and the other parent of your children will want to decide how to handle that long weekend – perhaps one of you will want to have the children in your care the entire break through the weekend, or maybe you want to share the actual day of Thanksgiving and then resume the normal parenting schedule. These are decisions you and the other parent want to make, in advance, so that you can enjoy the holiday understanding what is expected of everyone with respect to parenting time.

There may be old traditions you want to keep or maybe you have thought about some new traditions you want to try this year. Go for it – but keep the other parent in mind when scheduling activities.

2. Travel during the holiday. Some parents want to travel on the holiday either with or without the children. Maybe you’ve never travelled before over the Thanksgiving break, but you want to start a new tradition this year. Travelling is great, but those plans typically require some attention in advance of making those arrangements. Although the children may be travelling, make sure to arrange for the children to speak with the other parent regularly while gone. Or perhaps it makes sense to set up Facetime or Zoom so the children can see the other parent. And, if you are the parent travelling without the children, make arrangements in advance to schedule times to speak or Facetime/Zoom with the children while you are away. It is all about communicating and planning with the other parent.

Holiday break from schools – utilizing a calendar that follows the Christian Holiday

1. Planning and traditions. Just like with the Thanksgiving break, whether you have a written parenting agreement or not, you will remove some stress in your life if you take a few steps to plan out the holiday with your children and ex-spouse. If possible, decide together how each of you would like to share the holidays with the children and have a conversation about it. You and your ex-spouse get to decide how to bring peace and joy into your holiday break.

Even if you do not celebrate the Christian holiday, chances are you are having some sort of celebration over this extended holiday period. And, the children are typically out of school for as many as 10 days. To keep things joyful and peaceful, planning in advance on how to spend time with the children over the break is important. Some parents like to alternate the entire break with one parent having the beginning of the break until midway through the break, and then the children are with the other parent until school resumes. Some parents want to have an exchange either on Christmas Day or the day after. Whatever your agreed upon schedule, remember this schedule is alternated each year. Look at the holiday from the children’s perspective, should you alternate just a few days around the actual holiday, or does it make sense to divide the holiday itself exactly in half. What is important to know is that you and the other parent should make the decision together and do what works for your new reality and the family, remembering the children come first.

There is no law that requires you to do one specific thing; the decision is up to you and the other parent, and the sooner you can reach an agreement, the sooner you can check that box and start enjoying the holiday. And, believe it or not, some parents want to spend time together with the children over the break. If that is you, go for it.

Finally, do not forget you need joy and peace too. Keep many of your long-standing traditions – decorate the tree together, bake cookies, attend church services – but also remember this is a good time to start some new traditions so that you find new peace and joy and can start enjoying this magical season.

2. Ages of Children. Of course, joy and peace comes in different forms depending on your age. So, when considering how to spend your holidays to keep joy and peace, consider the age of your children. If the children are still napping, take that into consideration. If the children are Christian and still believe in Santa Claus, take that into consideration. If the children are teenagers, take that into consideration since teens will likely want to spend time with friends rather than with you. And, remember to find some time for yourself – that me time may bring you the most joy and peace over the holidays, and you are important too!

3. Travel during the holidays. Many separated parents have extended family who live out of town or who simply like to travel during the holiday break. Perhaps it is even a new tradition a parent wishes to start when he or she has the children. If you want to travel with children, you need to take the other parent into consideration. Like with the Thanksgiving holiday, although the children may be travelling, make sure to arrange for the children to speak with the other parent regularly while gone. Or perhaps it makes sense to set up Facetime or Zoom so the children can share their joy with the other parent. And, if you are the parent travelling without the children, make arrangements in advance of reasonable times to speak or Facetime/Zoom with the children while you are away.

4. Other considerations. Perhaps you celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Rohatsu, Posadas Navidenas, or Solstice, among some other celebrations typically held in December. Remember to consider these celebrations if your family or the other parent’s family have participated in other celebrations during the Christian holiday. If you or the other parent typically celebrate something other than Christmas acknowledge it and discuss whether you can arrange a parenting schedule so the children can experience all celebrations of faith.

Adults and children experience some level of stress during the holidays, and everyone wants to experience the magic of the holidays. With some planning, understanding what you want out of traditions, and creating workable travel plans, you can have a peaceful and joyful time.

Be thankful for what you have, plan in advance, and enjoy the holidays.

Of course, if you and the other parent are unable to reach an agreement about the holidays, seek assistance by contacting an attorney. At Southpark Family Law, we are here to help you achieve a more joyful and peaceful holiday season, while remaining thankful for what you have.

We wish you and your family the best during this holiday season, the most normal one we will be experiencing since 2019.